Why Women Can’t Travel Solo

A satirical piece.

Women are weak, targetable and cannot be independent. We should just stay at home where we belong and never venture out too far. Our children need to be taken care of, so why would we spend wasteful time being away from them and doing something adventurous and exciting? It’s suspicious for us to travel on our own because there isn’t a man there to guard us and show us the proper directions? We can’t read maps. I’ll have to call my husband five times anyway, to find out where I am.

The catcall from across the street makes me cry, so going to another country and experiencing the same thing, when I don’t speak their language would be worse. I can’t take care of myself. My arms can barely pick up a backpack, much less trek across Europe with it on my back. I might have my period while I’m gone and that would just be too complicated to deal with on the road. Getting shot is probably a thing that will happen. I will be seen walking at night and immediately be mugged by a man who towers over me by at least a foot. I shouldn’t travel because I will inevitably die. The moment I step on the plane, I will be a victim of a terrorist attack.

Every day is a struggle to be a woman who wants to go anywhere, because we aren’t smart enough to figure out the way the world works, or even get to the airport alone without our boyfriend having to drop us off. We are incompetent, passive, and want our nail polish to stay unchipped. Travelling is bad. We might get into trouble, and then who are we going to have to call but our loving fiancé who didn’t want us to go in the first place. Any woman who travels by herself must be some sort of outcast, unwanted by a man.

I better just get back in the kitchen and do what I do best, which is making a meal for my family of four. I’ll leave the solo travelling to the men. They can handle it. They are strong and mighty. No one ever bothers them abroad. I might as well stick to my needlework and hope my man wants to take me on a planned vacation to somewhere safe, like Hawaii. I’ll just stay in my comfort zone of the United States, and let the protective nature of my husband keep me in line. Besides, there’s nothing exciting out there in the world anyways, and if there is, a man will surely show me, since I obviously can’t do it on my own.

 

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